


Hell would be easier if you were here

by iamawriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #destiel, #sam likes Rowena #sam thinks dean and cas are idiots, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 12:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21179822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamawriter/pseuds/iamawriter
Summary: Sam wakes up trapped in a cell, and looks back on his life as the days go by.





	Hell would be easier if you were here

"Sammy!"

That was the last word Sam heard. The last thing he remembered before the all to familiar and all too painful sensation of death overtook him.

And he wasn't content either, and yet he was accepting.

He knew where he was going, and he knew he would deserve it.

When Sam awoke he was in chains. There was black, just black and grey surrounding him and there was the smell of smoke. And fire.

Sam knew he would end up in hell...doesn't mean he wanted to.

~~~

The days turned into months, or so he assumed. He couldn't keep track. Sam assumed hell to be kind of a mess, so it made sense that no one was exactly torturing him, but no one let him out of his chains either.

~~~

Sam had a lot of time to think about things. He had had time to draw in the dusty floor some initials.

D.W. S.W. M.W. J.W. C.W. 

He had memorized how many tiles were in the ceiling.

He had yelled untill he nearly couldn't breath.

No one came.

He'd almost have preferred the torture.

~~~

Sam had a lot of time to think on his regrets.

Dean came to mind.

And how he died.

_Sam no!" Dean said. "Stop it! I won't let you do this! I've lost everything! I've lost Mary! And..."_

Dean couldn't even say cas's name at the time. Sam chuckled at how futile it all was. Of course, it's not like he'd been any better...

_"Sam?" Rowena said. Sam looking up from his book. They were in the library, researching._

_"What?" Sam said._

_She smiled at him, too softly. "Nothing."_

_Sam chuckled and gave a slight tilt of the head. "...Okay."_

_He went back to his book and saw her staring at his mouth from his peripheral vision._

He could have done something then.

Maybe he was no better than dean.

How he died was pretty pathetic too.

_"I have to do this dean. I'm sorry. " Sam stabbed a knife into the wound from the equalizer he had used to hit chuck. There was a blinding pain. The last thing Sam heard was from dean, a faint "Sammy!" Before everything went black. He had defeated chuck, at the cost of his life._

As deaths go, it didn't exactly make his top five.

~~~~

In his most bored moments, Sam remembered Jess, he remembered her simpleness, her laughter, her kindness, but also how he had lied to her, kept a part of him hidden because he wanted her to love him.

He remembered Amelia. How perfectly normal she was, she was kind too. Perhaps too normal. Perhaps not as kind...

He remembered Eileen. Sweet. Perfect. Too good for this world and too good for sam.

He remembered....Rowena. She was, not at all perfect. He chuckled as he remembered bickering with her. Rowena was brash, arrogant, selfish, but had so much heart all tucked away into her brokenness. It was a similar brokenness to Sam's. He understood her too well. He understood her pain. 

Sam smiled to himself, Rowena is probably who he'd most like to be down here in hell with him.

If only she hadn't been too much like him, and she hadn't thrown herself into hell, and probably exploded.

~~~~

Sam stirred restlessly on the floor, staring at the ceiling. It was covered in blood.

Sam shuddered.

He remembered Lucifer. He remembered all the...blood...all the-

He took a deep breath.

It Rowena was here he could talk to her about it.

She's the only one who ever really understood.

Sam doesn't know what to make of the fact that she understood a part of him no one else does.

A part they both shared.

~~~~

Sam remembered dean and cas, how stupid and futile it all was, how badly he wanted to go back, if not to slap the fuck out of both of them for being so goddamn stupid.

He'd never be as stupid as them.

If he had love like that he'd never let it go.

*_But you did._* A faint voice in the back of his mind said.

He told it to go to hell.

Then he chuckled at the irony.

~~~~

Sam was playing with the rust on the wall of the cell when he heard them.

*_Footsteps_*

He ran up to the window and looked around.

"HELLO!"

The footsteps became more frantic...then they just, dissapeared.

Sam groaned in agony.

~~~

Sam decided to pray.

Not to Chuck of course, to cas.

He prayed for everyone and everything, even though cas probably couldn't hear.

It was mostly to keep himself sane.

~~~~

Sam banged his head against the door.

*_Useless useless useless_*

~~~

Sam punched the wall, causing bleeding.

"WHY!" he screamed. He heard it echo.

He groaned and curled up into a ball against the wall.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I...I'm sorry dean, for not being there, for not checking you on your bullshit, I'm sorry cas for letting dean be a dick to you, for trying to kill jack, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry rowena for...for...for not telling you I..."

Sam chuckled to himself.

Maybe he was just like them afterall.

~~~~

When Sam awoke the next day, the cell was open, and he wasnt on the floor anymore. It was a bed.

He looked up confused and looked both ways before exiting his cell, assuming it to be a trap.

He heard something he never thought he'd hear again.

*_Voices._*

He ran down the hall, not stopping to think. He just ran.

He knew was headed to the main room, the room where crowley used to sit on his throne, bored with it all.

Sam didn't stop to think about Crowley too much.

It made him guilty.

Sam pushed open the doors, silently thanking whatever angel had liberated him.

He looked around the room.  
"Hello?"

There was a rustling, and he turned around. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a crushing, overwhelming appreciation of beauty and everything messy and imperfect and wonderful as he saw her.

"Hello Samuel."

Sam grinned wide, letting his eyes water with no shame.

"Hey Rowena."

He didn't think twice before roughly pushing his lips onto hers.

And maybe someone good really is looking out for him...

because she kissed back.

And even in hell surrounded by whatever fresh evil was upon them, everything was perfect.


End file.
